


One Hellish Day

by teamfreefish (team_free_fish)



Category: Religious RPF
Genre: Hell, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/team_free_fish/pseuds/teamfreefish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesus comes to hell... high as fuck. Shenanigans ensue. The SEXY kind...</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Hellish Day

**Author's Note:**

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Normally, Jesus wouldn’t come down to hell. It just wasn't his style. But then again, you suppose everyone was feeling a bit funky after… well, we don't talk about the time that Dad drugged you all. You could say everyone was higher than heaven, so to speak. Or, for prude-ass wankers like Jesus Christ, lower than hell. It was like, you know, his All Time Low (That man, he’s cold as ice, like 20 below). Maybe that was why all the damned and divine as a collective body decided that “we should never fucking talk about that day again.” You mean, did you hear what Satan did?

 _Oh, wait. That’s you_ , you think. After thousands of years, you still prefer to be called Lucifer. Or, Luci, for short. Anyway, back to the story; Jesus is in hell for some reason and Dad would probably be pretty fucking pissed, but let’s face it: he was also “up in the clouds.” It was like some weird-ass porno or some shit because Jesus came up and was like “Hey, Lucif… Lucife… Luci…” You were pretty sure he was not only tripping balls, but also drunk AF. But that’s not why it was like a weird-ass porno. See, he thought that because he had called you “Luci,” you were most definitely a lady with lady parts. You look down and assure yourself that no, this is not the case. You are most definitely a man. With a man part. “Do… do you want to do the do-do? No… the dodo… the doodoodoo… the do.” Now, your initial reaction was “Jesus Fucking Christ, what the hell are you on?!” However, this led to you thinking about Jesus literally fucking himself, and you realized that this was not a good train of thought.

Especially because you started getting really uncomfortable in your pants. Not that you normally wear pants. Jesus wears robes, and you usually don’t wear anything, apart from a small , frilly tutu, but that is only in private where no one dare look at you. So, you were essentially both like totally wearing your birthday suits (who even came up with that phrase? it is stupid as SHIT). While you normally would have totally turned him down, he sort of fell on top of you, and you were FORCED to poof a magical hell-bed into existence, and then he was on top of you, and it sucked. As you were trying to shove him off of you, you sort of magically landed in his “no-no place” and things escalated from there. Doing the nasty with Jesus is terrible because he recites quotes from The Bible and seems like he discovered his noodly mancarrot like yesterday or something. You swear, half the time, he just stared at it, bewildered.

Once you both had what he called your “divine explosions of not-sin,” you fucking drop-kicked that bitch out of your bed and back into heaven. Then, Beelzebub comes up to you and is like “Aren’t you guys technically brothers?” You look back on that now, and realize…

That was pretty fucking gross. [10/10-would-do-again sort of gross, though, honestly]. Nothing has ever made you feel so hellish before. Maybe, next time, he can put the angel-stick in your demon-hole.

Wait, no, nevermind. You were also high as balls, and in retrospect, you wish someone had wiped you memory of that day forever because seriously what the fuck.


End file.
